Everyone thinks I’m such an innocent....Except for Jack, who isn’t afraid to take the heat for making me take responsibility for the hard calls simply because he knows I can and will.
Innocent. Too many people have taken one look at me and made that mistake. As if innocent looks implied an innocent heart. We’ve run into too many folks wearing innocent faces like a mask over evil personified to believe that. Fortunately for us, our enemies still keep making that mistake. Blue eyes and a too young face, so go for the geek.
But you don’t stay innocent watching children scrabble through garbage looking for something to keep body and soul together for one more day. You don’t stay innocent watching young boys throw rocks at a blind beggar as part of the daily entertainment. You don’t stay innocent growing up in a land where one wrong whisper results in having your throat cut. You don’t stay innocent watching one group of people inflict indignities and humiliation on the less fortunate just because they can. We’ve always had goa’uld on Earth; it’s just that most of them don’t have glowing eyes.
Too cruel words and too cruel pranks perpetuated on the younger, weaker, or different. School bullies who delight in making life miserable just because someone looks at life from a different perspective. Pulling emotional wings off frail psyches. I wasn’t the only one picked on in the orphanage, at school. But I made sure it didn’t last. There are ways around bullies without having to fight back. I learned early and I learned quickly. Taking up for myself-- well if I ignored them they eventually went away and if they didn’t, I knew how to retreat inside myself until they got bored.
But let them pick on someone young and defenseless. Master of the lightening repartee. Standing up to bullies became easy. Taking the punishment for someone less capable of defending themselves was worth every split lip as it denied the bullies their fun.
Looking past the angry words, the defiant shoves to see the scared kid inside trying desperately to make sense of a world where no one cared. Sometimes I could show them that someone did care, that there was something good still out there and sometimes they were so far gone it was beyond my ability to communicate anything. Not often, but it happened.
Survival skills. It takes some to stay sane in a cruel world and come out the other side with a sense of wonder and expectation of hope still intact. Sometimes in the desert or on a dig you don’t get a second chance, so it’s learn the ropes quickly and learn ‘em the first time or you’re toast.
How did I manage to roll with the punches? To bounce back after every awful gauntlet life smacked my face with? Eight years of watching my folks respond to indignity with kindness, humiliation with respect, tragedy with faith, hurt with compassion. They showed me in oh so many ways that it didn’t matter how nasty the world was, one person could make a difference.
One person does make a difference. Jack, Sam, Teal’c. They’ve made a difference in my life. Unshakeable foundations. Bedrock. Anchors.
Martouf’s little communicator thingy is lying on a table nearby. I always did enjoy standing up to a bully.
© October 2004 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.