"Colonel?" Carter said.
"Yeah?" he asked.
"Are you *sure* this is such a good idea?"
"He wanted to go didn't he?"
"But....well yes...."
"There you go."
"Besides, Teal'c is looking after him."
"Yes...but Sir...Teal'c's never been to a Supermarket."
Carter pushed the metal cart passed the fruit section.
"Well I'll give you that," he agreed, remembering the expression he gave the lady who had asked him "Can I help you Sir?"
"Colonel...I just think that it's too soon to let Daniel go away from the base after his...umm...incident."
"What incident? He drank some stuff. Got a bit weird. He's fine now."
"If you say so, Sir."
"I do."
"Colonel O'Neill," Teal'c said, walking up to him. "I believe there is a problem with Daniel Jackson."
"What's wrong?"
"He appears to believe he is one of the Egyptian dead."
"What? Where is he?"
"Hi Jack!" Jackson said, walking up.
"Oh god."
Jackson had somehow managed to wrap himself up from almost head to toe in toilet paper.
"Mum-my," he said, pronouncing each syllable carefully. "I'm a Mum-my Jack!"
"Oh for cryin' out loud. Take that stuff off." O'Neill started to pull the toilet paper off his friend. Jackson jumped back.
"Noooo!"
"What's wrong, Daniel? We have to get this stuff off. People are staring."
"I told you!" Carter whispered in O'Neill's ear.
"Oh well pooie on them," Jackson said. "I can't take it off."
"Oh and why not?" O'Neill said.
"Well...I..." Jackson leaned over and sheepishly whispered something in his ear.
"You *DID*?" O'Neill said, his eyes widening.
"Well that's how they did it Jack! I needed to be accurate. Do they have a fishing section here?"
"Why?" O'Neill asked.
"Well, to fully complete the mummification process I have to stick a long hook up my nose and into my brain. Then I have to go whap whap whap, sort of like an eggbeater. Then I stand upside down and let the brain stuff come out my nose." Jackson scrunched up his face. "It's a dirty job but someone's gotta do it."
"Daniel...why don't we skip that step?"
"Nooo! It's the most important part!"
"Just for now...okay?"
"Okay."
"Now we gotta go find your clothes."
"Shhhhh!!!" he said. "The walls have eyes."
"Is not the correct expression 'The walls have ears'?" Teal'c asked.
"They have those too," Jackson said. "And if you look really closely you can find a nose sometimes."
"Okay, Danny. I'm going to go find your clothes now."
"Shhhhh!!!"
"Sorry."
Jackson jumped in the shopping cart Carter was pushing.
"Hi ho silver! Awaaaaay!!!!"
"Thank God it's not two-ply," Carter thought.
She started to walk slowly.
"Nonononononoooo!!!" Jackson shouted.
"What?"
"Faster!"
"Look Daniel you're not quite yourself today you see-"
"Captain Carter."
"Yes, Teal'c?"
"I suggest we play along with his delusions until we can find some sort of cure for Daniel Jackson's ailment."
"If you say so."
"I do."
"Faster faster faster faster faster faster faster!!!" Jackson shouted.
"Oo-kay Daniel."
"Yaaaaaaaay!"
Carter started to push him a bit faster.
"Nononononooooo!!" he whined.
"What now?"
"Now look!" Jackson got out of the cart and pushed Carter out of the way. "*This* is how you do it." He took a running start and jumped on the cart and it went zooming down the aisle.
"Whhhheeeeeee!!!" He shouted. He was making pretty good time until he crashed into a peanut display.
"What the hell is going on here?" O'Neill asked. He was greeted by the site of a shopping cart three feet away, Jackson (fortunately) still in his toilet paper, and surrounded by shelled peanuts.
Jackson reached down and picked up a handful of peanuts. He stood up and threw the peanuts in the air.
"Yaaaaay!!" He said, dancing around in them. "Awww..." he complained when they all fell to the ground. He picked up another handful. "Yaaaay! Awwww.........Yaaaaaay! Awww...."
"Did you find his....clothes?" Carter asked.
"Fortunately," O'Neill said. "Come on, Danny. Let's go find a restroom somewhere."
"Nope."
"Why not?"
"I tried it already."
"And what happened?"
"I put too much toilet paper in."
"The toilet?"
"Hmmmhmmm."
"And what happened then?"
"Water come out but it no go home."
"You flooded the men's room?"
Jackson beamed. "Yaaaaaay! Awww........Yaaaaaaay! Awwww."
"Come on." O'Neill grabbed him by the arm and pulled him up."
"Where we goin'?"
"Home."
"I don' wanna go home."
"Too bad."
"Whaaaaaaahhh!!!"
"SHUT UP DANIEL!!!"
"'Kay."
"But Jack..."
"WHAT?"
"Why's Hammond bald?"
"Because."
"'Kay. That all?"
"That's all."
"'Kay.....Jack?"
"Yeah?"
"When we get home..."
"What?"
"Can I have Windex?"
"What?"
"Well it's so pretty...."
"Oh for crying' out loud."
O'Neill walked up and tried to open the door. It wouldn't budge. "What the hell?"
"I'm sorry Sir," one of the people said. "We've been having a power problem. We're stuck until someone can fix it."
"Fear not, my friends!!" Jackson said. "*I* will save you!"
Jackson ran at the door and right through the glass.
"We're saved!" He said. "Yaaaaaaay! I did it! Me! Me! Me!"
And he went out into the parking lot and danced around. "Me! Me! Me!"
"Carter," O'Neill said, standing on the inside of the doorframe, watching Jackson.
"Um...yes, Sir?"
"Next time I tell you something's 'okay'..."
"Yes?"
"Don't listen."
© 1998 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa’uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.